Hunting, chats and home....

So I went home for the child's graduation. He has graduated. And no...you can't really go home again. The house is a different color, but I haven't lived there for 10 years. Still, I know where everything is. It's a weird dichotomy, seeing the new overlaid with the old. The area has grown by leaps and bounds, but still the sky remains.
The child has also enlisted in the military. He's going into cryptography, in the Navy. At least to start. At least as of now. He hits bootcamp in August. I'm busting my buttons, I'm that proud. No, I don't feel he's going away to die in a senseless action. I think he's going to grow as a person and become whole in his own right.
My mother is in remission, for now. It's a relief. My father is old, and now I feel very Alice in Wonderland, 'You are old, Father William'.... I miss the sky in the desert. Even now, even after seeing to so close for so many days in so many permutations....I miss the sky in the desert.

But I am home now.
My body decided to whammy me...I had cramps bad enough last week to double me over and make me want to throw up. Not a fun thing when the spasms from your uterus come so fast it ripples your tummy and makes yo fall down in pain. So I missed work I must make up for. I'm happy it didn't happen in Albuquerque.

The hunting....The guy with the bike is...off, somehow. Not as on as he was. He seems interested, he seems not interested. He is an enigma. Muscles, however, has become a bit more to the front. Sigh, oh well. It passes the time while I'm in the alternate dimension. J is getting a new schedule, and mentioned that it will now give him time to come hang out. I certainly hope he's not planning on bringing his girl with him. I don't like her. It's not jealousy, it's the fact that I would have nothing to do with her if it weren't for J. And I don't want anything to do with her in spite of J. She gives off bad juju vibes.

The chat in the title....I was invited into a private chat on G+. I turned him down. He's nice enough, I suppose, considering I don't know him and he's 1/2 way around the world. But there's something dissatisfying about chat. It  doesn't do it for me. There are very very few people in the world that have been able to spark my brain enough for anything but them actually being there to do anything for me. In spite of my libido being what it is, I get more out of reading porn than hot chatting strangers on the internet. And a big part of me wants to point people who invite me into private chats over to ASSTR or something, if they want to read about throbbing body parts... I understand the appeal. But...hot chat is just an extension of phone sex. And I don't get the appeal of phone sex, either. It rarely does anything for me. It takes someone special to spark the brain. So I turned him down.
And then I realized he didn't remember from the last time I turned him down for a private chat. How odd is that, I thought, that he doesn't remember 'She doesn't chat', and then I looked...he follows several hundred people. How many of them ARE willing to chat with a complete stranger over the 'net?
The difference between them and me is that I have discriminating tastes that say 'complete strangers are to be held at an arm's length, but loved ones are as close as the phone or the computer'
What a dichotomy I am sometimes.....

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I seem to have found an abandoned house...