From the Really? and the W.T.F?!?! files...

...First,

REALLY? Oh, gee whiz, what have I said all along? HFCS is NOT the same as sugar. Not. Not close, not the same. Different. Very different. And now, via Consumerist, Cancer Cells Get Fat From HFCS Too.  I highly recommending reading the blurb (which does distill it down pretty good) on Consumerist, click through for the abstract if you want. I did. It's interesting. And my feelings of vindication continue...

Now,

W.T.F?!?!
So I jumped in the sack with J, right? And I've been sleeping with Sic-un (DUH!) for over 4 years now. Well, there's been one other, too, kinda recently... Let's call him Switch. At least for now. And multitudes of others including the Artist and PB and TD in the past. All in all, I'd say I've been to bed with somewhere around 30-50 people (mainly because I don't want to sit and think actual numbers right now)..A fair number. The named ones above have all wanted, requested, thought it would be really neat if I'd slap on a strap-on and fuck them silly with it. Switch noticed how small my hands are and shivered at the thought of me fisting his ass.
I have slapped on said strap-on for Sic-un. It's not... It's not objectionable. I don't necessarily want to make it a part of my usual day-to-day sex life, but it's not objectionable, it's a bit of a power-trip and yeah, it's a turn-on to a certain degree. And Sic-un and I have made fisting a regular thing, and he's let me do him, it's not just a one-way... However... Beyond Sic-un (and J, which is kind-of neat that he'd actually feel me out on it, so to speak), I haven't discussed ass play with any of them except in the most general terms-and that's usually when they're trying to put their finger up my ass without warning.*

So, why me? What the fuck? Does something about me scream out "Let me dominate you"? 'Cause that's one hell of a domination, that strap-on. Don't think so? You're going to put yourself in THAT VULNERABLE of a position, ass first, with a strap on and someone who admittedly has some issues and you're going to say it's not a domination/submission act? What have you been smoking and can I have some?

Sic-un says it's because I'm actually open to sex in general, and a big follower of the 'If it feels good, and all parties consent, GO FOR IT!' camp. He says that around that kind of attitude, something in the male mind says "Ooooh, lemme lay this fantasy on her," and pretty much says it's a common fantasy and not personal or anything.

But... All the men I've been to bed with recently, even stretching back through Idiot, even TD, even the Artist... They've all come off as being rather butch, kind-of aggressive, they all seem like they have the ability to take control in bed**, and they are all rather decisive people when it comes to likes and dislikes and such, and they will defend their opinions vehemently. So they all come off as kinda tough, and Sic-un is scary-tough (apparently...going grocery with him is a hoot. He gets ready to wedge and the little old ladies get out of his way). But in bed?

It's almost as if they're all asking me to top them. And I don't know why.
I'm not a top. I'm not a bottom. I'm kinda lazy and I like being nurtured in bed, and in return, you'll get some fun fucking times. But the whole role-play thing? D/s? S/m? I get it, but it doesn't really do a whole lot for me except as a kick now and again. I'd rather laugh in bed, not cry. Like anal, like fisting. It's nice... It can be so very very nice... But it's not necessary.

Now, nobody involved has ever made me feel like it's a vitally important thing I get a strap-on and plunder their (collective) asses. But it's been requested. And...strenuously? And often enough that I'm saying WTF... What I'd really like to know is why, meaning not 'Why do you want it?' but moreso "Why do you want it from me?"

Anyone have any clues for me?? Please???? And you can say 'Well, ask them!" all you want, but I have tried and the 2 answers I got were basically "Well, it feels good." I know it feels good. WHY ME IN A STRAP ON? Can't I just get a rubber glove and go play? Can I grab one of the myriad dildos and go to it? Why does it have to be me in a strap-on???? WHY GO TO THE RIDICULOUS????

OK. I feel moderately better. But really. Gimme a clue. Why ME in a strapon???


**********EDIT**********
This is to satisfy a question on this this morning. Anal is NOT MY FAVORITE THING, however, I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO SAY I WANT ANAL BECAUSE IT CAN BE ENJOYABLE.
Thank you.
**********END EDIT**********

*Note on anal: It's not my favorite thing, I have to be either really in the mood for it or have some sort of numbing agent on hand, but it can be enjoyable, and I have gone to bed with some people strictly for the anal.

**I don't necessarily want to be dominated in bed, but I don't want to call all the shots. Honestly? I'd really rather lay back and let you have your way with me and you just let me enjoy the hell out of you getting your thing on, 'cause I can guarantee Darkneuro's Magic Buttons(tm) will get pressed.