From the Really? and the W.T.F?!?! files...

...First,

REALLY? Oh, gee whiz, what have I said all along? HFCS is NOT the same as sugar. Not. Not close, not the same. Different. Very different. And now, via Consumerist, Cancer Cells Get Fat From HFCS Too.  I highly recommending reading the blurb (which does distill it down pretty good) on Consumerist, click through for the abstract if you want. I did. It's interesting. And my feelings of vindication continue...

Now,

W.T.F?!?!
So I jumped in the sack with J, right? And I've been sleeping with Sic-un (DUH!) for over 4 years now. Well, there's been one other, too, kinda recently... Let's call him Switch. At least for now. And multitudes of others including the Artist and PB and TD in the past. All in all, I'd say I've been to bed with somewhere around 30-50 people (mainly because I don't want to sit and think actual numbers right now)..A fair number. The named ones above have all wanted, requested, thought it would be really neat if I'd slap on a strap-on and fuck them silly with it. Switch noticed how small my hands are and shivered at the thought of me fisting his ass.
I have slapped on said strap-on for Sic-un. It's not... It's not objectionable. I don't necessarily want to make it a part of my usual day-to-day sex life, but it's not objectionable, it's a bit of a power-trip and yeah, it's a turn-on to a certain degree. And Sic-un and I have made fisting a regular thing, and he's let me do him, it's not just a one-way... However... Beyond Sic-un (and J, which is kind-of neat that he'd actually feel me out on it, so to speak), I haven't discussed ass play with any of them except in the most general terms-and that's usually when they're trying to put their finger up my ass without warning.*

So, why me? What the fuck? Does something about me scream out "Let me dominate you"? 'Cause that's one hell of a domination, that strap-on. Don't think so? You're going to put yourself in THAT VULNERABLE of a position, ass first, with a strap on and someone who admittedly has some issues and you're going to say it's not a domination/submission act? What have you been smoking and can I have some?

Sic-un says it's because I'm actually open to sex in general, and a big follower of the 'If it feels good, and all parties consent, GO FOR IT!' camp. He says that around that kind of attitude, something in the male mind says "Ooooh, lemme lay this fantasy on her," and pretty much says it's a common fantasy and not personal or anything.

But... All the men I've been to bed with recently, even stretching back through Idiot, even TD, even the Artist... They've all come off as being rather butch, kind-of aggressive, they all seem like they have the ability to take control in bed**, and they are all rather decisive people when it comes to likes and dislikes and such, and they will defend their opinions vehemently. So they all come off as kinda tough, and Sic-un is scary-tough (apparently...going grocery with him is a hoot. He gets ready to wedge and the little old ladies get out of his way). But in bed?

It's almost as if they're all asking me to top them. And I don't know why.
I'm not a top. I'm not a bottom. I'm kinda lazy and I like being nurtured in bed, and in return, you'll get some fun fucking times. But the whole role-play thing? D/s? S/m? I get it, but it doesn't really do a whole lot for me except as a kick now and again. I'd rather laugh in bed, not cry. Like anal, like fisting. It's nice... It can be so very very nice... But it's not necessary.

Now, nobody involved has ever made me feel like it's a vitally important thing I get a strap-on and plunder their (collective) asses. But it's been requested. And...strenuously? And often enough that I'm saying WTF... What I'd really like to know is why, meaning not 'Why do you want it?' but moreso "Why do you want it from me?"

Anyone have any clues for me?? Please???? And you can say 'Well, ask them!" all you want, but I have tried and the 2 answers I got were basically "Well, it feels good." I know it feels good. WHY ME IN A STRAP ON? Can't I just get a rubber glove and go play? Can I grab one of the myriad dildos and go to it? Why does it have to be me in a strap-on???? WHY GO TO THE RIDICULOUS????

OK. I feel moderately better. But really. Gimme a clue. Why ME in a strapon???


**********EDIT**********
This is to satisfy a question on this this morning. Anal is NOT MY FAVORITE THING, however, I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO SAY I WANT ANAL BECAUSE IT CAN BE ENJOYABLE.
Thank you.
**********END EDIT**********

*Note on anal: It's not my favorite thing, I have to be either really in the mood for it or have some sort of numbing agent on hand, but it can be enjoyable, and I have gone to bed with some people strictly for the anal.

**I don't necessarily want to be dominated in bed, but I don't want to call all the shots. Honestly? I'd really rather lay back and let you have your way with me and you just let me enjoy the hell out of you getting your thing on, 'cause I can guarantee Darkneuro's Magic Buttons(tm) will get pressed. 

Soapboxin'

There's an essay in today's Wall Street Journal that really tries to encourage having children. Funny thing is that it's almost apologetic about it. It pretty much says "Yes, this study shows that you're not as happy with children as you are without, but the number is really really small!" and then it tries to explain why everyone out there should have children.

This sort of thing really pisses me off. Look, if YOU have children, YOU have fun with that. Go right ahead. I know you do. I know you adore your children and there's the old saw that the world's best child does exist...every mother has it (insert rimshot here) and all that, but really? You know, some people out there (me) have decided to NOT have kids (me!) for whatever reasons, but it's their (mine!) choice. And no amount of argument from someone in love with the idea or reality of having kids can change my mind. And quite frankly, if the best you can come up with is "Well, you'll be only slightly less happy with kids than without!"....Ain't no argument, sorry.

Everyone always brings up population sustainability, that it takes (supposedly) 2.1 kids to replace each of us. Um, no. Your math is wrong. REPLACEMENT=1:1. Not 1:2.1. And aren't we overpopulated? Haven't they pretty much determined that with our current levels of usage, we're in severe danger of eating ourselves out of house and home? We're using our spaceship most strenuously and you want me to have children? You espouse children as some kind of miracle of happiness even when they actually did a study that proved you're happier without kids?

Someone isn't thinking clearly. Of course, I do take the stance that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. However, this isn't just 'This is my opinion." This is genuine encouragement to have kids. WHY? We're shitting in our own backyards, people! We're running out of food in that distribution resources are so disparate there is no guarantee you'll have food. How many 'people starving in [insert country here]' articles, pictures and exhortations do we need to see that we are killing our own kind? But this isn't a bullet in the head, people. This is the slow death. Millennia, even.

I don't have children. I don't want children. Even as a child, when all little girls are planning their weddings and what castle they're going to live in and 'this is my baby' doll play... All my dolls? They were dolls. Intellectually and emotionally, they were dolls. Just dolls. I knew I didn't want children. Not for not liking other kids. Hell, I was one! But I never had the emotional connection to being 'a child'. As a result, I tend to treat children as if they were older than they are.

So I talk to kids as if they were intelligent, short adults. Strike one. Strike two becomes "I am afraid of the medical legacy I would leave my children." Genetic misfires here, people. Circulatory, cancer histories...hell, The women in my family have severe problems with their thyroids. Pretty much all of them. I'm not healthy stock. And circulatory is everything from the hypertension on my mom's side to the heart disease on dad's. I'm waiting for my own ticking time-bombs to go off and this writer for the WSJ wants me to pass them on to other people? What did these hypothetical future-people ever do to me???

I have a couple of balls and a strike left, to continue the baseball metaphor. Ball One is "I'm incredibly selfish." I don't want to spend what little money I have on a kid, pure and simple. I don't want to say "Um, no, can't do anything today/tonight, I have a child." Kids cost money, I have limited money, and although my whole attitude has been "More would be nice, but I have enough. I have enough for a bus ticket anywhere," kids would throw a wrench into my whole carefully constructed free lifestyle. Yes, free. I can pick up at any time and go anywhere, within the limitations I have in place (work, money). Do I have enough to take care of ME? And the answer is 'Yes'.

Ball Two: Silly as it sounds, I have a weak stomach. Little Sis left the ConMan with me as an infant. He was in need of a diaper change. I puked 6 times in the 30 minutes it took me to change his dirty diaper. Spit up? Oh no, ain' gonna go there. Don't wanna see. Move along. And really: I know what morning sickness feels like. I've had it. Previous experience. Nono... When you get pregnant, you gain weight, right? I gained 30 pounds the first month I was on the pill. Here's the irony: I actually lost 13 pounds the first month I was pregnant, then another 18 the 2nd month. I didn't eat. I couldn't. I could eat crackers and sip ice cold water. That's it. Death by starvation is not my favorite imagined way to die (fucked to death! That's the way to go! Gently, slowly fucked to death at the age of 100!). So I'd risk death having a kid*. Um, no. Can't make me.

Strike Three: The one that loses this oh-so-handy baseball metaphor is, of course, my greatest fear with children of any stripe... "I'm afraid I would kill them somehow." I say somehow because there's an awful lot of accidental killings. The person that forgets the baby carrier on the top of the car and drives off? Yeah. I can see myself doing that. But I can also see myself getting angry enough at a child to hurt it, physically. And nobody ever deserves that, so.

No kids for me, thanks much. But thanks for sharing. Thanks for espousing straining our already taxed resources to their breaking point to 'replicate'... I still say Population Decline isn't such a bad thing. We've got computer models... What's the point of no return? Estimates of the bottleneck due to the Toba Event were down around 10-15,000. Our current? The World Bank thinks in 2008 it was 6,697,254,041. And we're growing. Although some areas have approached negative growth, others have not. And the Gasoline Age has changed some of the ones from negative to positive.

Now... I'm selfish, I have a really bad tendency to talk to children like they're adults, I'll pass on a whole host of medical issues to said child (or children...twins run in my family), and it is possible, even probable to some extent that I will seriously damage that child.
Yeah. I want a dozen. You wanna pay for them?


(putting away soapbox)

*I came back from college, fell in bed with someone, the condom had a pinhole in it. I knew I was pregnant that night (no, really!) but ended up denying it to myself until I was 9 weeks pregnant for the first doctor visit and then thanks to Reaganomics, I couldn't get an abortion through Dad's insurance, which threw me dangerously close to the 2nd trimester "we'll have to involve hospital and you'll have to pay for it all" stage.
I couldn't be pregnant. I was the golden child. It just wasn't happening. My period would show up. I went through 30 pregnancy tests.
I was ill. Physically ill, from the moment I woke up until I went to sleep (thank you, brandy. couldn't have slept without you!). I hurt constantly, every inch of my body. My hair hurt. I would accidentally touch one part of my body with something and it would hurt. I had to move and function and appear as if everything were fine and it wasn't. I was in constant pain, constant nausea. I couldn't eat ANYTHING. Milk would be the worst thing. Crackers and ice water (like, 2-3 crackers a day and ice water sipped). I was in severe denial, and ended up counting days maniacally. End of the 8th week, when my period was supposed to have been and gone... I tell my parents, I'm in no shape financially, emotionally or physically to have this child. An appointment was made.
Five years later, my boyfriend at the time decided to take dis-advantage when I was out of my head. My motto had been 'No glove, no love', and it chafed him. TaDAAAA. Really bad to wake up from a pass-out kick ass trip to go 'Oh fuck. I've felt that before. OH.FUCK' and just know with every fiber of your being sperm met egg. I went to the doctor after 2 weeks of feeling like utter shit (hair hurting? Check. Hurts to cut your fingernails....Yep. You're PREGNANT!!!!).

One last post-script... This is rather apropos coming out today. My period was late. I'm on day 45 out of an 21 day cycle. I've taken 2 pregnancy tests, knowing full and completely well that they were negative. I don't mind wasting the $6.99... For the first pregnancy? The 30 test? Yeah. 17.99 per test. You do the math. That's how far skinflint/cheapskate me was in denial. So I was being proactive. We (Sic-un and I) aren't... We don't use anything, but the only time he comes in me is within the first week after my period stops, assuming it goes 4-6 days. Otherwise, it's Splattertown, and I'm good with that. I don't feel in any danger from the supposed hit or miss of the 'rhythm' method. I feel myself ovulate, I know when that happens (and I'm never wrong. I've also ovulated and not had periods, which is what kind of happened this last time). This last time? May (checking calendar) 22? Spotted, for maybe an hour. I don't count that, not really, but it was on time and I had ovulated. This time? Last Monday was ovulation. Caused a low-level migraine but I'm not missing work for it. Today? TaDAAAAAA! Not pregnant. You can figure it out. I've already spent way too much time being Ms. TMI.
And then this article.
Really? You want me to have kids? Sure now?

Hrm.

Got schnockered last night. M came up, haven't seen him in a bit. And S.o.s-u was here. Interesting times. M brought scoobies (rum&coke) and Bushmill's. We ordered pizza and just sat getting drunk and horny. After M left, Sic-un and I took full advantage of the cleaned-out closet and the swing-set.
If S.o.s-u hadn't been here, M would have tricked me out on the swing-set. He as much admitted being ready to overthrow any moralistic objections there would be on his part, but for the presence of S.o.s-u.

Next Sunday may be 'Let's go to the drive-in' with M and perhaps getting tricked out on the swing-set.
Sic-un wants to have sloppy seconds and I'm game too. I have no moralistic objections to M.
This is important.
I have 5 people right off hand other than M that I could probably get into bed very, very easy.
One has a girlfriend, one is waiting to see if his ex-wife is soon to be baby-momma, one is under-age and the other 2... Um. I personally would rather not, but probably could, for what that's worth.
A little strange never hurt anybody, as long as all parties are fully cognizant of what's going on, and I'm not talking about putting on the rubber gloves, although that may not hurt for at least a few fantasies.
So what's to stop it? It, of course, being my part in all this, with all things taken into consideration.

Ick factor for the under-age... On his part. And nothing too strenuous, just the whole idea of me being who I am and my position in his world. Me? Um. Hm. He's real pretty to look at, lemme put it that way. I still envision him telling 'an adult' that something went on, though. Perhaps as a birthday present? For him?

The one with a girlfriend...She's more serious about it than he is. They're living together but only because the girlfriend lost her job and has a kid from a previous relationship and had nowhere else to go (according to the potential target). To him, as soon as she's got a job and is on her feet, away she goes. I don't think she sees it that way, though, and appears to be in no hurry to find said job.
Baby-daddies can be hard to find here in the buckle of the Bible Belt, and she comes pre-loaded with kid feature. He doesn't particularly want to be baby-daddy, according to him. But it does make for a bit of a sticky wicket. Although he is tall (very tall) and whip-thin but very, very muscular at the same time. Hairy back, though. I'm hesitant due to the girlfriend. I don't want to get in the middle of that.

As for the one waiting to see if he will be baby-daddy... He's cute. He's over-age. He's lost what bit of pudge he had due to ex-wife. He's...interested, if I can read the vibe right. I think there may be a bit of the moralistic thing going on with him. I, after all, somehow belong to Sic-un. Perhaps...hm.
My Japanese shark knows him. Shall I ping her for a 'Whaddya think?'

What do you think, oh Great Blogosphere? For what it's worth, I mean. Keep in mind nobody above mentioned should be very hard to get into bed at all. And it wouldn't be a case of Sic-un watching...he's already made mention of the fact that he wouldn't participate in the outside activities, he would just... well... He would just clean up after the fact, so to speak.
Heh. I'd post pictures of them, but that would be tacky to the extreme, methinks.
So. Out of 6, interested in 4 of them.
M would be easy.
The under-age a little more work and there's still the '6 months until he's no longer under-age'.
Girlfriend for the taller of them.
One is waiting for baby judgment.
Looks-wise, the under-ager is the prettiest. Then kindof a tie for the tallest and the waiting for baby one. They both have their really good points, but they both have bad points (tallest=hairy back, baby-daddy=kinda wishy-washy). Then M, but to be fair, M is the oldest of the 4, he is losing his hair (premature male pattern baldness is NOT a nice thing to pass on to your children), and he has a tech support job (therefore the spare tech-tire).
To rate for ease of predation (for lack of a better term), from easiest to hardest, I'm thinking M, baby-waiter, the under-age, then girlfriend-heavy.
Opinions gathered here. Gimme direction, people.
And order in with Superior, working on finishing the fan next weekend (Friday through Monday off work).

Do I LOOK like Dear Abby to you?

That, kids, is the question. Do I look like I have all the answers?

I say the world needs more generalists (and we do! Oh, we do!), and then I find myself being the generalist. People in the Alternate Dimension* keep asking me for advice for things not related to the alternate dimension... It's kindof like the banker being asked about bread-making.

Do they look like a baker? Or a banker?

Apparently, tonight in the AD*, I was apparently playing a doctor. Like on TV. Someone just randomly came up and started asking about their body and health. Really! And not in a self-absorbed "look at me!" kind of way, but a worried "This is what's going on with my body and I'm weirded out by it and can you give me advice?" kind of way. Needless to say, it wasn't the latest round of illness, either. TANGENT: Sic-un has that and it's NASTY. He's out from work until Tuesday morning... well, afternoon. He gets exceedingly dizzy every time he stands up, which causes nausea... That's the symptom keeping him out of work. Otherwise, he's on antibiotics and should be fine.

But still.

Do I LOOK like a doctor? Do I look like I'll give grand advice? If so, why don't people TAKE my advice? They've gone to all the trouble to ask for it.

Anyway, this chick has 'female problems', PID, specifically, and endometriosis. She started going into her symptoms and I said "Ah. Pelvic inflammatory disorder." She was amazed I knew what she had. She's been to a doctor. She's had a diagnosis. She has an appointment with an OB/GYN on Monday. She questions the diagnosis. "My sister says I can't have PID because I tested negative for all the STD's".... I pulled up Wikipedia, pointed to the endometriosis causation. She's worried she's pregnant, so she's taken 8 different tests. One came out positive, 7 others negative. "So I'm pregnant, right?" I ask her when the last time she had unprotected sex was. "Oh, 4 or 5 months ago. It hurts too much!" I asked about birth control. She's been on a birth control pill for the past 7 months that has eradicated her periods, given her fucked up skin and weird bruising on her underarms, backs of the knees..... She couldn't believe it when I told her there are false positives on the stick tests.

I told her write down every symptom she can think of, even if it's unrelated. Write down ALL medications, see if she can pinpoint her health to a specific period she felt RIGHT and WRONG.... . And ask her DOCTOR these questions.

I get asked for advice all the time: My girlfriend/boyfriend..... My husband/wife.... One woman has a hoarding disorder- (I referred her to her doctor)... My hair needs to be..... I should buy WHAT color blouse? How should I handle XYZ? What should I do about ABC?

Fill in the blanks.

This is very strange. I don't feel like I give good advice, although it's well-meaning. And it's usually backed with "Talk to your (doctor, banker, butcher, candlestick maker)." I generally operate on instinct. If I filter stuff through my brain, an answer will come to the forefront. It's usually the right answer, too. I've been accused of being psychic in some circles. But sometimes I need advice myself. Of course, I *hate* asking for advice. HATE. IT. But I do need it now and again.

But again... Do I LOOK like Dear Abby to you?


*AD/Alternate Dimension: Where do you to receive a paycheck every week?